LEARNING TO SAY “NO”
The hardest things to do.
Clothed with apparels only found in the 7th dimension of heaven, with wings coated in diamonds, glittering at your every turn. Your submissive and positive responses make you the best person created on earth. You are the perfect angel, shining with the brightest light in the galaxy crowned with a rotating automatic yes to their every task but, you become the darkest demon the moment your “yes” turns to a “no”. You become a werewolf with the darkest furs, your gaze will disgust them. your existence as a whole will seem as a threat to their ego. The perfect submissive respectful image of you disappears in thin air at the mention of a “no”.
“…she is so rude.”
“…she doesn't have manners no more.”
“…he is so proud now.”
“…someone that is not up to my last born at home.”
“…I know when he entered this organisation o”
“…lazy boy/ girl.”
Yes! the title is “learning to say no” and even as you read the introduction all the way down here, your mind has flashed back to all the possible events where you should have said “no”, where you actually said “no” and regretted it immediately, and where you said “no” with your chest and didn't feel any guilt afterwards (you na boss).
From our ancestral elders who don’t have regard for personal space and timing, to the entitled adults among them who also don’t have a say or right to your life other than their “age” which to them is like a gold medal from an olympic game (like is it my fault that God didn’t send me earlier so I can whoop your ass). Those ones feel because they are being called “uncle & aunty”, they can decide our time and personal space (leagues of Joaquin Phoenix). To our colleagues who don’t understand yet, the difference between acquaintances and friendship, just badge into your space after two days of mere introduction and expecting you to sacrifice your life on the altar of balbezzar (just because the name sounds scary) for them.“Lemaooo”
To our friends who we have been together for years, shared the good moments and actually understand ourselves, don’t bring that entitled feeling into our relationships (it will end in tears).
NOT EVERY ONE CAN SAY NO
Sadly, the following category of people may never know how to say “no” until the knots are loosed within them.
- The cry babies:
They cry when you raise your voice a little at them, cry when anger sets in and they don’t have a heart to go physical, cry when they are too excited or surprised(🙄), cry when you refuse them their request, cry when they don’t win, cry at almost every event in life. They have been gifted and blessed with tears from the streams of eternal flowing waters.
- Those with extreme low self esteem:
Take note of the word “extreme”. They are believed to have “generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)”. They don’t believe in themselves, they think they are worthless and every other person is a god to be worshipped and served even at the expense of their life, They have extreme low confidence in self, they rely so much on people to decide for them.
**If you find yourself in this category of extreme low self esteem, try these out***
- Surround yourself with people that believe in your abilities and are positive minded, not people who drain your energy and demean you.
- Be affirmative about yourself and abilities by repeating positive notes only to yourself.
- Love yourself, know yourself, be your own best friend, never look down on yourself or compare yourself with others.
- Carry out self evaluation and ask from your positive minded friends areas they believe you need to change or become better in.
- Step out, set higher goals, encourage public speaking, Just do it ✔️.
- Those who are heavily dependent:
They depend on you for food, finance, prayers, ideas, how to live, ways to go, when to go, where to go, connections, basic decisions they could take as an individual. They feel heavily indebted to certain people who provide these needs for them and hence can’t say no to them ever.
HOW TO SAY “NO”
On many occasions, people who find it hard to say this word fear for the response and reaction they will get from the person asking, not even because they will be discomforted or they have many other things to do.
- Just say it with your chest.
- Don’t beat about the bush.
- Don’t give excuses for not doing it immediately.
- Don’t give them hope that you will do it latter.
- Be assertive and firm about your statement.
- Set boundaries for the different persons in your life.
- Define properly your relationship with others. Let them know their place.
- Be selfish about your time and convenience too.
The world will be fine if you didn’t say yes and you are not a demon for saying no either. The personal space you refuse to protect today, will hunt you for a long time.
“Yes” and “No” has been presented to you this day, now choose wisely which to use next time.
I remain yours always, Solanke Olamilekan K.
