FEAR & PAIN: THE INSTRUMENT FOR CHILD LEARNING AND GROWTH IN NIGERIA

“Stretched-out lines, bruises, tattoo- like marks, skin cuts, increased aggressive behaviors, temper misplacements, mental health disorder, and a host of others are the gift of education and a delusional culture passed on from ancestral parenting to our modern day parents.”

“If you don’t read your book (179 pages, terms that are hard to pronounce and still looks like a lot of adult words, calculations that need adult guiding, etc) finish before I come back, you will see what I will do to you: as usual, lash you with my original leather belt, instruct you to stand on one finger with your head upside down which has the capacity to cause a lot of brain damage, and probably mentally assault you to believing you are dumb and can never make it in Life.”

Jerry: “I want to come to your house.”

Mum: “there are ojuju kalabar (masquerade) in their house and they bite.”

Jerry grew up with a special phobia for dark spots and any object that turns to whatever his greatest fear has been — ojuju.

Jumoke: “Mum what is sex?”

Mum: “Don’t talk to any guy and don’t let them touch you, because if they do touch you, you will get pregnant and I will send you out of my house.”

Sex education gone wrong from a tender age. The day Jumoke tries sex, she will explore and keep it away from mum because her foundation was never built on honesty.

Daniel: “Dad, I got 4th position in my class.”

Dad: “what nonsense! So you cannot get first position right? Next term you must get first and no one must beat you in class. Is that clear!”

Seems like fabricated stories right. Well, they exist and even worse with the use of beating.

REALITY

Many times I wish I can go back in time and fetch out all my primary and secondary school teachers; every adult who at one time used pain to correct me, line them up and speak maturely to them like they should have done to me then.

It is sad to know that many adults till date grew up believing and still has the notion that you have to instill fear in the mind and cause pain on the body of a child to correct them or enlighten them more.

The brain/ mind has always been the faculty of learning and growth, the body; has its own growth-process through puberty in height, Weight, contours, and others. Only now do I realise that little or nothing impacts the speed of learning in the mind from body aches.

Fun-Facts

• When you beat up a child, you convince him/her that beating others is the only way they will listen to them. Hence, bullying.
• What you say to a child goes a long way in their life. It’s most times about how you said it and the words you use to convey your corrections. I have heard some Yoruba mothers call their children “Oloribu Omo" meaning “a child whose head is not working”.
• Fear is a seed in the mind of a child that lives with them till they realise you lied to them. Hence, if they grow up being rebellious, it will be because you were not honest with them. Don’t tell a child they will fail in life if they don’t read their books. Education hasn’t solved all the wants and problem of mankind but rather some deep thinkers who were not privileged to be educated. Some courses we took were only now a waste of out time then.
• Pain could be physically imputed on the body and in the mind of a child. If a child breaks mentally as a result of the painful words and harm you brought on them, it will take a long time to rehabilitate that mind.
• All children are not equal and do not have equal capacity for learning. As a parent/ guardian/ adult, it is your duty to observe them, and ascertain a strategy for learning that works indigenously with them. Never compare two children together. Never!

Now, Instead of Pain and Fear:

• Apply Love.
• Apply intellectual conversations.
• Say it as it is with your child not scare them.
• Be honest and open with them.
• Be wise and ready to answer tricky questions.
• Say only positive things to them to encourage their little understanding.

This article may not apply to you now because you think you are not a parent, but there are other children who looks up to you and you look over. As an adult, you should learn the use of words and how to apply them intelligently.

Till my next post, take from your childhood the things you wish the adults then should have done better or shouldn’t have done at all, remould it to use for the younger ones now.

I remain yours always, Solanke Olamilekan.

Stay Safe!